Two Kids, Two Families and the Power of Love

My grandsons were riding in the backseat of my car and playing a game on my phone. I overheard one grandson complain to his brother, “it’s not fair. It’s my turn.” And I thought how difficult it is for parents to help their children understand that, at times life, isn’t fair.

It isn’t fair when every kid on a team, an entire school and community get painted with the same brush as a few students who make a poor decision. It isn’t fair when two people can have the exact same medical diagnosis and one recovers to resume living a normal life and the other dies.

And it certainly isn’t fair when two teenage boys and their families lose a parent.

We all struggle to cope with the unfairness that life sometimes throws into our lives.

This story is about two teenage boys, a sophomore and a junior, and their families. One lost a father/husband. The other lost a mother/wife. Austin Abbate, a junior and Bryce Barbarino, a sophomore at Saline High School, lost a parent.

This is their story. And the story of two ordinary families, living through extraordinary circumstances and slowly, courageously, emerging on the other side.

AUSTIN ABBATE

Jason Abbate, Austin’s father, was first diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma (NHL) in 2004. NHL affects the white blood cells in the lymphatic system. At the time of his diagnosis, Jason underwent aggressive chemotherapy. The young couple, Jason and Danielle, was uncertain if they would ever be able to have children, due to the uncertainty of the side effects of Jason’s chemotherapy.

But in 2008, their “miracle baby” arrived - “AAA – Triple A” – Austin Anthony Abbate. And this young couple smothered their miracle “Triple A” with love.

From the beginning, Jason involved his young son in athletics. Jason helped coach Triple A in baseball, basketball and football. If it involved being outside and being active, Jason and his Triple A were doing it. 

Three years after Austin the family added their second miracle, a baby sister, Alexis.

“My dad was very involved with my sister and me. He was always willing to help us, play with us or practice with us,” Austin said. “He would encourage us to do whatever we wanted, and to always do our best. I remember he would always say to my sister and me, live your life, pursue your dream and never, ever give up.”

What an incredible legacy. What an incredible message to leave your children. 

Saline Area Schools, its teachers, administrators and staff were also heroes in this story. As Jason became sicker, Austin and Alexis were given a week off of school to be with their father. The school hung in with these two students, supporting them through the most difficult days of their lives. School lessons, homework and daily attendance took a back seat to Austin and Alexis being able to say their final goodbyes to their father. And Danielle had her children around, along with her family and friends, during the final days of Jason’s life. As she described these days, the tears in her eyes and the pain etched on her face, said it all.

As hard as it is for a 16-year-old boy to admit, when asked, Austin said that he has indeed cried. 

“There are times I really miss my dad,” he said. “Not as much anymore but I remember him and how he was always so willing to do things with me, and for me. Mom cries too and that is always hard to see,” he said.

Attending a recent UM football game, Danielle described how she became so overwhelmed with sadness because Jason wasn’t there. 

“Austin put his arm around me, gave me a big hug and said that he wanted me to stay in the moment. To enjoy that I was at the game with him and that we would enjoy being together at the game.”

“That really helped,” Danielle continued, “I was able to stay in that moment with my son and enjoy being together with him.”

Through it all, both Austin and Alexis have been able to maintain good grades. 

“I never have to ask them to do their homework,” says their mother. “They both just take responsibility for doing their work and keeping their grades up, just as their father would want.”

Austin is a starting wide receiver on the Saline High School football team. He is a starter on the baseball team, playing any outfield position and catcher. Younger sister Alexis says softball is fast becoming her favorite sport.

Triple A has started to think about life after high school. When asked what the future looks like for him, he smiled that million-dollar smile and said, “I think maybe something like business management or something in business. I would like to play either football or baseball in college.”

Daycare provider Sharon Burkhardt Mischakoff described Austin as “always eager to please, eager to help." He idolized his mom and dad. His father Jason was the ultimate sportsman and exhibited the highest level of sportsmanship in all things. Mischakoff remembers Austin in daycare,  waiting patiently for her to have time to pitch or throw to him. Many years later, when she attended his sporting events, Austin always took the time to thank her for being there.

“Austin is a product of his parents -- caring, courteous and friendly. He is just the kind of young man we all want our sons to be,” she said.

Amid today’s whirlwind world, in Saline there is one family, one mom, one son and one daughter, who continue to struggle with the loss of someone who was so very important in their lives. They get up every day with a hole in their hearts that, hopefully, someday can become whole again.

An ordinary mom. An ordinary teenage boy. An ordinary middle school girl. Bound together by their grief. Bound together by the bonds that Jason helped to nurture and grow. A bond that has helped to sustain this family through the dark days of a monumental loss. And they are emerging on the other side, a family that has not been diminished by the loss of an incredible man.

And despite the sadness that still creeps into their lives, they are resilient. The mom, son and daughter have committed to carrying on the words given to them by Jason Abbate, “live your life, pursue your dream and never give up.”

BRYCE BARBARINO

Russ and Jenny Barbarino’s story began like a fairy tale. Both young, both competing in athletics at the collegiate level, both with a promising future. Russ Barbarino attended Kean University in New Jersey playing football for the Division 3  program. Jenny Barbarino was a Division 1 scholarship athlete in swimming at Florida State University.

Jenny will be inducted into the Maclay School Athletics Hall of Fame in October 2024. Maclay is a college preparatory school located in Tallahassee, Florida. Russ attended Florida State University to pursue a master’s degree in Exercise Science. It was in 1997 that Russ and Jenny first met. They married in 2001. Russ was an assistant strength and conditioning coach for the Florida State University’s football team, while also overseeing the women’s basketball, men’s swimming & diving and tennis programs.

The couple’s first son, Kyle, was born in May of 2005. Three years later Bryce joined the family. Bryce was always an active, inquisitive boy, and quickly became the constant companion of his mom.

“She was always so kind, so fun to be with,” Bryce said. “She encouraged us to always do our best, always give our all in everything we did.”

The Barbarino family became complete with the birth of Ryan in 2012. Jenny reveled in being surrounded by “her guys.” Russ worked long hours as a strength and conditioning coach, but still found time to play and help his three boys in becoming athletes themselves.

The entire family was very active, and especially Jenny.  She worked out 5-6 times per week, ran in marathons and of course, swam. The sun was smiling on the young family.

It all changed in March of 2020.

“Mom started to not feel well. Kinda tired, out of breath. It was during COVID, so we were all kind of alone at home,” Bryce said. “All of us were doing things for her. And I remember living in fear. We didn’t know what was wrong.”

On March 27, Jenny went to the ER and after some tests, it showed that there was a mass on her heart. She had emergency heart surgery. Because of Covid, she was alone for her surgery. And the family was left to struggle with Jenny, alone and very ill, and they could do nothing to help.

“This was so hard and if it wasn’t for my faith, I don’t think I could have made it through,” Bryce said. Faith was an important part of the Barbarino family and Keystone church played an important part in supporting the family.

Seventeen days following the surgery, Jenny started on aggressive chemotherapy for five months. Unfortunately, after her rigorous rounds of chemo, doctors saw that her surgery had not removed all of her cancer. So, Jenny left the family again, with her mom, to fly to Houston, Texas for another open-heart surgery. She had a risky Cardiac Autotransplant Surgery, where the surgeon actually removes the heart from the body so that it can be operated on all sides. This procedure carried several risks, including the body rejecting the heart once it is placed back in the body.

Bryce continued, “she was so far away and she was pretty much all alone. I prayed. I prayed so much, all the time. I was so afraid for my mom.” Russ was home alone with their three young boys, working fulltime, with his bride so far away, and so sick.

Jenny’s body did not reject her heart and she was slowly recovering. Her cancer was rare. Cancer on the heart poses so many treatment challenges and corresponding risks, but Jenny was determined to beat this foe like so many of her swim opponents. And the family was all-in on the fight with her.

Corbin Brown, a teacher and assistant football coach at Saline High School, said Bryce showed extraordinary poise and maturity during his mom’s illness. “Bryce is a great kid. He is so hard-working and respectful. Even though he was going through an emotional time, he was always willing to help his teammates, friends and classmates.”

‘His ability to stay so focused is amazing,” said Brown, “he is mature way beyond his years.”

Football is an important part of Bryce’s life. As a sophomore, he is a starting linebacker for the football team. “I think the practices, games and being around his teammates and coaches were a way for Bryce to put his mom’s struggles out of his mind for a brief period of time,” Coach Brown said.

“Bryce is a faith-filled individual. He and some teammates pray before every game. His faith is sincere, and very important to him.”

Bryce’s mom, Jenny, died on May 31, 2022. Two years have passed since she died. For Bryce, some healing has occurred. “Losing mom has put a hole in my heart. Maybe someday it will heal. Maybe.”

Through the pain of watching his mother get sick, have surgeries, chemo and be gone for long periods of time while getting treatment, Bryce has continued to improve as a student-athlete in both football and baseball.

Through it all, Bryce has maintained a 4.0 grade point average. Being a 4.0 student is difficult under normal circumstances. Doing so under the duress of a parent being diagnosed, and then dying from cancer, adds so much more pressure.

Bryce Barbarino and teammates celebrate a sack against Brighton

“I have always known that I am a student before I am an athlete. And I know that my mom would expect nothing less of me,” Bryce said.

Like the Abbate family, Russ, Kyle, Bryce and Ryan Barbarino are carrying on, without the lady who was so important to them all. They have their faith, and they have each other.

And the spirit of Jenny will live on in their hearts.

This is a story about two kids, two families, that suffered a great loss. But there have been others. So many others.

Jack Day, a senior on the football team, and a member of the track squad lost his mom back in early 2021. Kegan Ewart, a 2024 Saline High School graduate, lost his father in the middle of the football season.

And there is Tommy Carr, and older brother CJ Carr, who lost their younger brother Chad. And who can forget the very public struggle of the Carr family, in a race against time, to find a cure for Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (DIPG). They did not find a cure in time for Chad, but through the efforts of Chad Tough, progress has been made through research. These efforts have brought some hope to kids diagnosed with DIPG.

Each family struggling with the loss of a loved one. Each kid and family, navigating their way through the grief. And it was during those dark days for all kids and their families, that they realized all over again, the importance of love, of family, friends, faith and community.

Something we all could learn from to replicate in our daily lives.

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