Health Wise: Internal Listening Can Help Us Eat Right

For many years a core force in my work has been helping people to gain an awareness of the internal dialogue that is going on within them. It's been my observation that when we take a few moments to notice internal messages, we become aware of the interplay between different parts of ourselves. This noticing can be helpful in being able to begin and continue to work toward goals we set for ourselves. We are better able to listen to our thoughts and feelings and respond to them, much in the same way that we as adults are careful to listen and respond to children.

This framework can be especially helpful for people who are embarking on a weight loss program. The majority of people who I work with around weight loss have a pretty good idea of ways to eat properly, but many of them do not put this knowledge into use. They frequently tell me of their intention to begin a new way of eating, but do not make the changes. I then ask myself, “what is going on?”, and I think about the internal dialogue that is likely happening within them. So, I ask them what it feels like to choose foods that are good for them, and not eat according to their usual way. They frequently tell me, “it's hard, I want to enjoy myself when I eat, it's not to fun to eat the healthy stuff.” When I hear this I often think that they sound very much like small children who want to have a good time and feel free, and I think, “well, these wishes are fine and basic to being a human being.” When I make a statement to this effect, people often tell me, “but if I listen to that childlike part of me I'll never change the way I eat. I need to not think about that.” That's when I tell them about the importance of listening to and validating these wishes and desires, because if we try to push that them away, they're just going to keep on coming back until we listen. I tell them that I  have found when we let this part of ourselves know what it is telling us is understandable, we feel mildly soothed. Then we can collaborate with that childlike part of us, and develop a plan where we eat the healthy foods, and find ways to have the fun in ways that don't compromise our eating plan.

In a recent session with a client who has not started to follow an eating plan, despite very much wanting to, she spoke of  resenting the necessary meal preparation. When we explored this, she spoke of associating meal preparation with her childhood experience, where the women and girls in the family were forced to cook for the men, just because that is the way it was. We acknowledged that upon meal prep for herself, the child-like part of her was telling her, “it's not fair, I don't want to be forced to do this!” With permission then to validate these feelings, my client spoke of feeling more calm, and then being able to think clearly once again and realizing that her meal preparation is part of a plan she wants to engage in. In a more recent session she shared that with this internal listening, she has begun to prepare her foods according to her eating plan.

 By engaging in internal attending to the child within us, and validating the thoughts and feelings it expresses, we are putting into practice a vital part of taking care of ourselves. This practice enables us to be equipped to respond  to the inner child by making plans and taking action, in order meet needs and desires that are understandable and appropriate. In his book, The Trauma of Everyday Life  , Dr. Mark Epstein puts this idea this way, “there is nothing wrong with painful feelings. By creating an inner environment of attunement and responsiveness, even these feelings become not only bearable but illuminating.”

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